Social media is no answer to an out-of-date system

2 September 2010 | By Nigel Walley

I recently decided to have a mid-life crisis. I’ve worked hard and I deserve one. I’ve always thought a good mid-life crisis should involve hookers and motorbikes. My problem, though, is that I’m married to my company’s finance director so I struggle to get those things signed off on expenses.

I decided instead to resort to the other great crisis outlet: rediscovering the sporting triumphs of my youth. Rolling around a muddy rugby field with other fat blokes every Saturday afternoon is good for the soul. But not so good for the knees. One mis-tackle and I’m off to a hospital to have my joint rebuilt.

Coincidently, I booked in to the hospital in the same week that the private medical group running it announced it had hired someone to review its social media strategy. A perfect opportunity to live the social media dream, I thought, and went to see how it was getting on.

First off, before heading to the hospital, I was surprised there was no online check-in. Even the most budget of airlines has online check-in, and I’m meant to be dealing with a large organisation with lots of big expensive machines that go ‘ping’.

At reception I was handed a form on a clipboard with a biro, and asked by the nice lady to fill it in. I pointed out that the appointment was made by email, in which my health insurance company sent over all my details with the relevant account details and purchase codes. This info isn’t transferable into the booking system, however, as the hospital clearly hasn’t discovered the magic of cut and paste. So I have to fill out the form.

“What are you going to do with the information?” I asked. “Type it into the system,” the lady said.

After that, I went downstairs to see the man with the big machine that was going to scan my injured leg. He handed me a form on a clipboard with a biro and asked me to fill it in. “But I’ve done this,” I said. “Different questions,” he said. “No,” I point out, “questions one through five are quite clearly the same as the ones upstairs.” At this point he gets backup from a nurse with a syringe.

“Does your system let me register a complaint about this process?” I asked. Apparently not. I tried one more tack: “Did you know your company has a social media strategy in which it’s looking to engage customers and encourage positive conversations to drive advocacy?” I asked the nurse. “Get on the trolley,” she said.

Now, obviously I usually get paid for giving big companies advice on their new media strategies, but I’m happy to offer this free of charge: don’t waste time with a fucking social media strategist when you’re still handing out clipboards and biros to people standing at reception. Sack the little goatee-bearded fuckwit and spend the money on a decent bit of CRM and online account software.

And now I’ve got that off my chest, I can go back to my mid-life crisis.

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